Longest week ever...

Between VBS, work, and orientation for school, I have to admit I'm basically exhausted. Who knew life after college was so tiring. Now I miss those days when all I had to worry about was writing that 20 page paper for my Romans class.

But I suppose we all look back with rose-tinted glasses.

As for now, I'm hoping to make it to the weekend. Preferably without accidentally biting anyone's head off. I've found that the more tired I get, the more cranky I get as a generality. Which doesn't really bode well for co-workers and friendly youth group kids. Or innocent bystanders.

The good thing is that I have a seemingly endless supply of quality car-ride music to get me from one place to the next. Thank you itunes!

In the midst of all the crazy, I've found myself forced into a place of 'being busy'. Which means squeezing time for dishes into the morning routine. Or reading for class during downtime between sets at church. Or trying to connect with the elusive boyfriend while driving or eating lunch. It's working well thus far. But I will admit that I miss being alone with no one around and nothing to do. I'm most productive in my thought life that way.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself actually experiencing God thoughts.

IE. "don't you know I love you? Don't you know I'd do anything for you? Don't you know that I want success in your life...and in the life of the man you love?"

No, God. Actually I didn't think of that in the midst of all my angry griping. I didn't realize that -- somehow -- even though I have heard it my whole life. (HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?) And I feel rather guilty now. Lately I've been saying how I'm struggling to trust God. How can you not trust someone you claim to love so much?

Rough. Really rough.

So here I am. Caught up in some new mind struggle. Fighting off tired. Fighting the emotions that run high with said fatigue. Wondering when God will start working things out the way I want them to be. Wondering if that's the way God wants them to be. Fighting to trust God. And holding tight to the hope I still feel despite all the confusion around me. Somehow, in the middle, just loving God and feeling some kind of mysterious peace. God is good in this. I'm sure of it.